Grief is a complex and nuanced emotion, which is why writing about grief can be challenging. Writing grief takes a lot of diligent research and respect. Grief is a melancholy emotion that typically stems from the death of someone; a friend, parent, loved one, or pet. Over time psychologists have organized grief into five stages. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance are the five stages of grief. (But not everyone experiences the 5 stages of grief.) Grief is a raw and relatable emotion that when written accurately can draw in readers and help readers feel seen. For example, incorporating grief into your novel might create a plot twist in your character’s arc or add emotional depth. Portraying grief in your novel can do wonders for your story, but depicting grief is extremely difficult. This is why listed below I have my 8 best tips for writing a character who has just lost a loved one.
Remember Their Personality
Grief impacts every person differently. When writing about a grieving character, think about their personality and how they would react to grief and someone's death. For example, character A may seek therapy, whereas character B may stop communicating with friends. There is no "normal" response to grief, so as you write consider your character's personality. Ask yourself certain questions to determine your character's reaction to losing a loved one. Would your character stop eating? Would they ignore their grief/feelings? Would they become depressed? Would they ask for help? Narrowing down how your character would react will make them seem more realistic and humanized.
Consider who has Died
Before writing about a character's grief, you need to determine who they are grieving. Again, consider your character's personality and how they would respond to the death of the person (or animal). For example, a character may sob for hours when hearing about the death of their dog, but they may turn to alcohol when hearing about their mother's death. Characters will probably respond differently to different people, so it is important to consider who has died and their relationship with that person. Also, for readers, it should be clear who the character is mourning and why they feel a certain way.
Grief Doesn't Have to Make Sense
Often grief won't make sense, which is why you don't need to tell readers that everything will be okay. One day a character may feel depressed and then open to acceptance. Instead of trying to heal the characters and fix all their answers, let them confront their emotions. You should also remember that a character's grief can be triggered by random things.
Include Physical Symptoms
Prolonged sadness and grief will create physical symptoms for a character. There are many different physical tolls a character may experience out of grief. For example, they may have a loss of appetite or persistent migraines. Instead of dumping information about a character's health, weave in their symptoms into the storyline. While writing, think about the emotional state of your character, but also consider their physical well-being. Some physical reactions that occur after continued grief are:
Loss of appetite
Fatigue
Migraines
Insomnia
Nausea
Chest/body pain
Forgetfulness
Weight loss
Weight gain
Shortness of breath
Be Honest
Even though grief is raw and often uncomfortable, you shouldn't sugarcoat grief in your novel. Grief is part of the human experience, and sugarcoating its effects of it can further isolate people and make readers feel alone. As you write, ensure you are being honest and real about grief, instead of softening it or dramatizing it. By realistically portraying grief, readers will form a connection with your characters. As an exercise, close your eyes and envision being in your character's life. Consider their emotions and the possible pain they are feeling.
Transition Through Grief
The intensity of grief should ebb and flow throughout a character's lifetime. On some days, a character won't think about the person they lost, but on other days they may find themselves curled up in bed. Although your character doesn't have to experience all five stages of grief, they should transition through grief in some way. This may mean crying less frequently as time progresses or realizing they need therapy. Let the reader journey with the character through their emotions and their grieving period. These emotions will also pace your story and add more depth to your novel. If written well, your readers should subconsciously grieve and heal together with the character.
Research
If you haven't experienced grief yourself, you may want to research more about grief. Grief doesn't have specific rules or guidelines, but familiarizing yourself with what grief looks and feels like will be helpful. Several online resources will give you information regarding mental health and grief, so make sure to consult more than one source. Research is important because it prevents misinformation and rumors from being spread. You may also want to discuss grief with someone who has firsthand experience. It may feel intimidating to ask someone about their grief, but most people are open to sharing. But of course, if someone is not ready to talk, you must respect their boundaries.
Illustrating grief and loss can be endearing to readers who have experienced a loss themselves. Hopefully, these 7 tips help you write about a character who has lost a loved one. But you also need to remember how other (non-grieving) characters might react to a grieving character. For example, they may try to comfort and cheer them up or distract them from their grief.
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